I’m 50. Now what?

So, I turned 50 in January. It was a wonderful birthday – the best I can remember for a long time – but in the aftermath, I'm sort of floundering.

I'm looking at myself and evaluating where I am, where I WISH I was, where I really want to be and how to get there.

In 2013, I joined a relationship marketing company, Nerium International.

At the time, I felt sort of hijacked into it (sorry Amy), but in the fall of that year I attended a national conference with my sweet friend, the aforementioned parenthetical, Amy, and fell in love with the company.  The product (at the time there was only one) was good for me – but my skin was already great (thanks Denlinger and Nies genes) and it hasn't changed much.  But, I've seen amazing results for other people, such as my husband:

              

. . . so I knew the results were real and, after that conference, I felt like there was a genuine chance that I could make something very big happen with Nerium.

Then came February of 2014.

I got fired. Again.

I’m not sure if whoever is reading this has ever been through the indignity of being sacked, but it’s not a pleasant experience.  I hadn't liked that job. I'd been looking for another one for many months, but it was still a difficult transition.

And yet.

God was SO good.  I needed to not be working. The timing was perfect.

·        My eldest daughter, Mary, was planning her wedding – May 24^th – and I would never have had the time to devote to that if I hadn't been let go.

·        There were several health issues that needed attention and I was able to play nursemaid to my family members as each needed me.

·        I attempted to work my Nerium business full-time but I’m not a brave person by nature and forming new relationships is out of my comfort zone. . .so that didn't work out so well.

And yet.

Eight months after I lost my job and two weeks after my unemployment ran out, I was called to work at UK through their temporary support office, S.T.E.P.S.!

After eight VERY dry months, when I'd applied for job after job and not had one call for an interview, I had FIVE interviews during the time I was serving at UK!

I started a job as a contractor through TEKSystems in November and it’s the best job I've had in a long time.  I’m so grateful for it. I’m making more money than I've EVER made (gone are the days I could mutter “They don't pay me enough for this” . . .) and, more importantly, I’m supported.  By my on-site supervisor. By the company through which I am contracting. I already know that I won't be asked to do anything my supervisor hasn’t okayed. And, a week after I started, when I tried to give notice so I could work closer to home and for a higher hourly rate, they increased the offer and allowed me to work from home every Friday! That has NEVER happened.  I’ve given two weeks’ notice countless times over the years. No one ever tried to get me to stay.  They want me here and I want to BE here!  It’ a heady feeling. . .

And yet.

We circle back to the birthday-thing.

This is not really where I'd pictured myself ending up.  Not that I'd ever really spent much time actually picturing my future. Truthfully, I've never been very introspective, nor have I been one to dream much.  I'm a day-to-day type person.  And now this.

How did I end up here? I’m not necessarily unhappy. I have a wonderful, loving, handsome husband to whom I have been married 28 years this year.  We have three beautiful, brilliant young-adult children and one amazing son-in-law. I have a home. I have a car that I don't have to share. (We've been pretty much major-car-repair free for the better part of 3 years.)  Life is good.

So why am I so unsettled?

Because I know in my heart I can do better.  Not as far as the people and things that surround me, but inside. My heart, spirit, soul . . . I'm somehow out of alignment.

This is the year.  I can't continue to say: “I'll do that later.”  It’s become a now or never thing.

This year I will lose (and learn to make the changes to keep off) that extra, oh, 40 pounds I've accumulated that’s neither healthy nor appealing. By eating less and moving more; by sticking to my WeightWatchers points and swimming 3 times a week and going to the yoga classes that are included in our Y membership.

This year I will be a successful entrepreneur – I will build back up to a team of 3 brand partners and 3 preferred customers . . . and MORE; I will earn a Lexus!  Before 2016!

This year I will work on myself.

I will be brave.

I will know myself.

I will like myself.

I will communicate love to those around me in tangible ways.

I will reflect the Jesus I profess to know.

I will be held accountable.  By you, friend reader.

In my first act of bravery, I invite you to ask me how I'm doing. With my weight loss. With my exercise. With my business. With my Jesus.

Please help me as I start to become a grown-up. I’ve been acting like a child for far too long. It's about time, because I'm 50.

Thanks in advance.

Love, K