Two-Party “System”??

Okay, here’s my frustration with politics in the good ole U.S. of A…

It’s stupid. How can anyone trust ONE group to meet all of their needs? Take me . . . and I don’t think I’m unique in this because I’m not unique in much of anything. .. I consider myself an “evangelical Christian,” but I’m not a “Republican.” Not the way I see it.

I like it when the government does things for me, like take care of some money for my retirement and, some fine day, my healthcare.

I pray to “end abortion,” but I don’t want to go back to criminalizing woman for having them.

I’m a student of history and, even though it’s been legal for most of my lifetime, I know that women were having them il-legally and DYING, along with their babies, for almost as long as we’ve been able to make babies. Do we really think that’s best?

I believe that the citizens of this country – with “Christians” first in line – should be:

1) Teaching their daughters about sex and its consequences; encouraging abstention but preparing for temptation,

2) Realistic about expectations for those women (young and not-so-young) who have “unwanted” pregnancies,

3) Providing support for those who seek abortions and don’t have them if they are talked out of it (especially by a Christian Organization) and,

4) Therapy for ALL who seek information and assistance.

It makes me so angry to think that people who call themselves Christians can think of no better way to get woman to NOT have abortions than picketing facilities while screaming at patients and, in extreme cases, blowing them up! Why not do something constructive and volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center. Hand out their business cards at the abortion clinic. PRAY in the parking lot. Don’t be confrontational and mean, be loving and gracious.

Okay, stepping down from my soapbox now.

As I was saying . . . I don’t want government bail-outs for every idiot who runs a company into the ground and I don’t think the taxpayers should foot the bill for people who spend more than they can afford on a mortgage OR the companies who let them do so. However, I’m not an economic or financial genius, as evidenced by our credit score and bank balances, so I’m willing to let someone smarter than I am to make decisions about it for the most part.

I don’t want a socialist society, per se, but I would like to see a fairer tax code and I believe that, in the wealthiest country on the planet, it’s a travesty to have children go hungry and homeless. Frankly, I’m angrier with the Christian community about the existence of all the hunger and need in our country than with the government. Jesus called us to give to and care for “the least of these.” Not hoard money and treasure for ourselves “where moths and rust . . . destroy.”

I want us out of Iraq. I want Osama bin Laden hunted down and brought to justice and he’s not in Iraq. Never was.

Finally, sort of, I don’t want someone LIKE me running the country. As forward-thinking as the founding fathers were, I’m not sure they ever envisioned what the US has become. It’s much bigger and much more complex than even those brilliant men could have anticipated. So, even though John Adams

and Thomas Jefferson

envisioned “every man” being able to be President, “every man” (or “woman”) is not who I want running this country. I’d like to see someone in charge that can RELATE to me . . . but definitely think it should be someone smarter than me. A lot smarter.

Which takes me back to the two-party question – what smart person really wants to be held to some broad guidelines thought up by party big wigs who are completely out of touch? I want someone who’s not beholden to anyone else for any reason and is going to do what’s best for the country regardless of what the party says.

Oh well, in a perfect world. . .

I'm not worthy. . .

I meet with my best good friend, Marty, on Thursday mornings (at least we’ve been doing so for about a month now and I’m LOVING it!). We’ve been meeting at Starbucks and just sort of catching up on our lives over the last week (or in the case of this morning, two weeks). This morning we got a little deeper in a couple of different ways and I want to write down and explore one in particular before I forget about it.

I am depressed. And I feel guilty about being depressed because I’m so very blessed. I know so many people, friends AND family, whose lives are SO hard. .. what's my problem?

Part of it is my job – as hard as I try to just say to myself, this job is paying me good money and I can get through it, I’m unfulfilled and disappointed in myself.

Part of it is – and this is where my talk with Marty comes in – I don’t feel worthy.

I hadn’t ever looked at it that way. Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m pretty arrogant. I’m smart and I have very little tolerance for anyone I think should be smart who isn’t acting like it. (Hence my disdain for McCain/Palin. . . but that’s another rant/post.) I'm sure I put off a very confident, if not disdainful, dare I say, elitist(?), vibe.

However, Marty and I share a history. Not that we grew up together or “knew each other when,” but in the sense that, like many young women, we suffered from an abysmal lack of self esteem as teens and young adults and we both tried the same things to fill the “God shaped hole” all humans have.

This morning, she mentioned that, despite what looks to outside eyes to be an exemplary life, a (seemingly) relatively easy life, Marty suffers from depression, too. Because we were "bad" as young women, we feel we don't deserve the life God has given us. We know we don't have to earn anything. That God's grace is unmerited by its very definition. That doesn't change the fact that, inside, we still feel the stain of our lives "before." We are both working hard to internalize the head knowledge but still. . .

What does this mean? Do I overeat to punish myself for being so blessed? Do I sabotage our finances in order to suffer and thereby earn the blessings God has seen fit to bestoy on me, on us?

Am I overstating/overanalyzing this? I don’t know.

What I do know is that I take a lot for granted and I need to stop it. All of it could end at any moment. We are, literally, one catastrophic illness or repair away from being homeless.

Sometimes I get it. Sometimes. At those times, I’m so grateful that I remember to take care of myself and love myself as Christ loves me. When I’m fit and at a good weight and feeling good about how I look, I’m, oddly enough, NOT depressed!

Perhaps, if I am proactive about my weight, the job will be easier to take. I don’t think I’ll ever LIKE it, but maybe my attitude will be better.

On the other hand, maybe not. But it’s certainly worth a try.

On an unrelated note, sort of, I got a comment on my previous post about my kids and Corey kindly added that they have “very special parents” . . . I would add that their parents have a loving God. One who, knowing how messed up Mom is, and loving Dad so much, gifted the two of them with fabulous offspring! I’m only half joking. . .

God bless you today and thanks for stopping by.

Noah's Prayer and other cool stuff about my kids

I'm about to describe a moment in my son's life that I'll want to remember because there won't be that many of them soon. . .he's 11 years old and not getting MORE sweet and innocent.

So, it was bedtime and I took a moment to lay down with Noah and listen to him talk about his day. I used to hold him in my arms when we did this but he's almost as tall as I am now and a bit too old for that. ..

In any event, he went on to tell me about three boys he goes to school with:

1) Dave, who fell asleep in Science class and didn't get in trouble for it even though the teacher looked right at him and he has a history with all the teachers of disruptive behavior. A boy in the same class "spoke out" to give an answer and DID get in trouble, ending up in the hallway for the remainder of the class. Noah's sense of justice was clearly tweaked.

2) Gabe, who is autistic and is disruptive but, apparently, brilliant, is being moved to Noah's Science class because they are apparently the best "role models" for Gabe. Noah has seen kids make fun of Gabe because of his in appropriate outbursts. I asked Noah if he ever said anything to them and he shrugged but seemed to internalize it.

3) Brandon. His mom was dying. Today we found out that she died.

I got all of this in a burst of fervent conversation. I got up to leave and he said he was going to pray. I asked if he wanted me to stay and he said I could. . .and here was the moment.

Noah prayed for Dave -- that his behavior would improve. For Gabe, that kids wouldn't make fun of him. And for Brandon's mom -- that she would get better but if she did die, that it wouldn't be painful.

I prayed for Noah, that he would be brave enough to be a role model to his friends.

And then tonight, Mary spoke to our GROW (Get Revived on Wednesday) class. We weren't there. . .but she was giving a testimony about an episode at camp over the summer when she definitely encountered some spiritual warfare.

I got the coolest note from the teacher/facilitator, Corey Nelson (www.cantankerouschristian.com) saying what a good job she did.

And Sara. . . well, she's committed. When she makes a promise, she keeps it. She helps with 2nd and 3rd grade at GROW and tonight was difficult. But she went.

I'm so proud of my children. They have their moments but today I'm extremely proud. And at the same time, humbled. They are great kids. . . and Tim and I have worked hard to be the best parents we can be but we were very young when we started and so we can't take all the credit. God has blessed us.

And for that I thank Him.

I'm Here

So, I'm getting my chance at redemption with Sara. Unfortunately, she's suffering so it's not very uplifting for me.

My sweet, beautiful child has suffered some with acne the last couple of years -- nothing monstrous but noticeable to a teen aged girl -- and we had often discussed taking her to a dermatologist but had opted to try over-the-counter remedies. Some worked for a while but, perhaps due to sporadic use over a prolonged period of time, all stopped.

Then, during band camp this summer, she developed blemishes on her chest, shoulders and inside her elbows. Blech. She could deal with it on her face, everyone gets it there but the other places were gross to her.

So to the dermatologist she went the week before Labor Day weekend and she got an entire set of regimens for her skin (different stuff for different areas) and an oral medicine that looks like it's in the tetracycline (spelling?) family from its name.

Her skin started to clear within the first few days and then she went to Cumberland -- and got a bad sunburn on her face, causing painful burning sensations for her and worry for me.

Of course, band practice goes on and she has gone from bad to worse with pain and now has developed small patches of chapping on her chin. I had her put Neosporin ointment on it last night before bed, thinking, it's medicine! Well, it had started to ooze a bit by this morning -- nothing gross or noticeable to the naked eye but awful for her and she was mortified by the time I dropped her at school.

It didn't help her that I had tried to go swimming at the Y this morning (getting up at 5 a.m.) and had missed getting into the pool by a hare's breadth, and worse, beaten by an 80-something, emaciated old man! I was in a foul temper when I got home from a quick stop at Kroger and she was still in bed, Tim was in the shower, Noah was IN LINE for the shower, I needed a shower and so did Sara! Grrrrrrrr.

So at 3 p.m. we return to the dermatologist's office. I am pretty much convinced that she needs to stop taking the medicine until after band season is over -- competitions are outdoors for the most part and ALL practices are. . . I just hope getting off of it will help. They have offered to give us sunscreen samples, etc. but I'm not sure I even want to try that. Sara already has "wounds" from this.

So today I redeem myself. And pray I can just continue to be available and not continue to need redemption. . .