Life on Hold but not really

[I have edited this post, like, 5 times already but I keep thinking of other stuff I want to say. . .]
So, my last day at the website was Wednesday. I had to leave early to go to Dunbar (High School that my eldest child attends) for the "Reading Extravaganza." This event was the culmination of the sign up and reading of books by students at the high school and various adults from the community, many of them teachers at Dunbar but a few, like myself, just folks who like to read. The kids signed up at the beginning of the school year for the books available, read the books and then, Wednesday night, discussed them with a mediating adult.

I wanted to do "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince." But that was taken already (but I'm the mediator for that discussion next semester!) so I picked a book I read almost 20 years ago by one of my favorite sci-fi/fantasy-ish authors, Sheri S. Tepper: The Gate to Women's Country. It's a sort of dystopian story and makes you think about societies and why we are the way we are. None of the kids in my group "liked" it. But all the girls (there were suppsed to be 3 guys but only one brave young man showed up) said it "stretched" them and made them think -- which, in my opinion as a frustrated would-be teacher, is very cool.

So, for two days I've been off work. Shuttling kids to school, having lunch with my third grader (invalid husband in tow), paying bills I've been putting off, bullying the doctor's office into getting my husband into PT. . . and today will be busy too.

Tim starts PT today. He has a herniated disc -- discovered Monday evening in an MRI. We were going to have him go to a friend of ours from church for PT, but she's out of town this week and he is in a great deal of pain and needs to get started working on it. In two weeks he has to sit through three days of talks for Emmaus. . .

Mary's getting her hair cut. Yeah, yeah, it's beautiful, but it's a pain and she hates it being as long as it is. So she's gonna get it cut to around shoulder length. And we're going to start talking about straightening.

After I drop Mary to get her hair cut, I am going back to the website for a farewell party. They had already planned on having it -- in fact, Alex (graphics guy) took my picture Wednesday before I left so that I could be there in "spirit" even if I didn't make the actual party. I continue to feel superfluous.

Last night we had a phone "interview" with a guy from FamilyLife. Tim and I continue to feel we are being "Called" to assist in this ministry. We also believe, however, that, for the time being, we are called to volunteer as opposed to being in full time ministry (aka moving to Little Rock, AK). We are praying for some clear guidance.

My Aunt (great?) Marie died. A couple of weeks ago, she had her kids call my mom and dad and ask them if they'd ask me to sing at her funeral. She heard me sing at my grandma's funeral. She told them I sing like an angel. Wow. I'm humbled. However, the funeral will probably be Monday -- my first day at KET. So I'm gonna call my dad's counsin, Ginger, today and see if it's okay for me to sing during the visitation.

So, I'm not working but I'm not resting. . .

I'm waiting. . . but I'm not standing still.

My parents were in Florida two days ago, but Wilma has forced them (and their sweet neighbor, Anne) to evacuate to my cousin, Becky's, house in Atlanta. Is all of Florida heading north?

How much more tragedy and disaster can one world take?

Praying for healing. . .waiting for the turn of the page to the next chapter.

But while I wait I write things down so I can remember them. Tuesday night I came home after Noah was in bed (I was selling pumpkins at church -- youth fundraiser) but I laid down next to him and kissed him and just held him for a bit. The next morning, I said, "for your information, I did kiss you goodnight last night," and he said, "I know." I asked how he knew and he said he woke up in the morning and there was this smell, like me (mom). I asked if that was a good thing and he said yes. I have always equated a certain smell with my mom and it soothes me. I am now a mom with a "smell" that soothes. . . cool.

Note to Self

Well, it's been a week since my last post. I must be busy. I guess that's a good thing but I don't want to forget something funny that happened over the weekend.

Actually, I had my last official "flex Friday" last week. So, of course, I filled it with stuff to do. Like taking our animals to the vet. Turns out neither of them actually NEEDED to go! But they did need flea meds so it was kind of a good thing we went -- and, since I brought Beau back before he really needed to be there, they're gonna give me a "discount" on my next visit.

So anyway, before we realized he didn't need to be there, the vet asked me to bring a stool sample from Beau back to the office some time on Friday. I got some poop, put it in a bag marked "Beau Hamilton" and asked if anyone wanted to go with me (the kids were off school). Noah did. He wouldn't even touch the bag, but he did ask some questions about what was gonna happen to the feces we were transporting. He asked if it would be "dissected." I said I thought they'd probably have to cut it up as it had cat litter on the outside and they wanted to see if it had any bad microscopic things in it, parasites and such. Then he asked if we'd have to come back and get it... HAHAHAHAHAHA!! I laughed all weekend every time I thought about having to come back and get cat poop!

Anyway, he's almost 9, so his "cute sayings" days are almost over and I wanted to record this one.

Next Monday I start my new job at KET -- not sure how much I'll be writing for a while. But this is fun and I hope to keep writing, even if it's few and far between.

Oh yeah, please pray for our family if you think about it. Tim's at home as I type this with back problems -- his sciatic nerve on the right side has been bothering him for some time but it was so bad yesterday that he finally went to the doc for medicine. He never does that.

Also, Mary said on the way to school this morning that she was starting to feel sick and I've been sort of icky -- new job starting and all that, we don't have time to be sick!

Shout atcha latah!

Dedicated to my "Sisters"

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:28-39

Who better to "quote" than the God of the Universe? I had this whole thing written. Kind of an argument for myself -- how I'm not really as self-centered as the casual reader of this blog who doesn't really "know" me would assume. Who cares? If you don't know me, then it doesn't really matter whether I'm self-centered or not. You'll come to your conclusions and we'll never meet and that'll be it. But if you've read this post today, you've not read only MY words. You've read scripture. I pray you have been lifted by it. It lifts me. Above my petty victories and above the suffering and sorrow of my "sisters." It reminds me of Who is really in control and Who has already won the most important battle.

Be thankful today for the blessings you have received because tomorrow, heck, in five minutes, it could be gone . . . but God will not be. Amen.

An Amazing Week

Okay, so I can talk about this now that it's official: I got a new job!

Starting October 24, I will be the Executive Assistant to the President of the Commonweath Fund for KET (Kentucky educational Television/PBS)!! It's the normal assistant/secretary stuff that I've done before but also some event planning and volunteer coordination thrown in for fun.

I am SO pumped about this!

I'm pretty sure I've got a touch of adult onset ADD because I need to be busy. And at this job, I WILL be.

It's been such a week. I guess I should start at the beginning.

Tim and I went to the Irresistible Differences conference on Friday night. It was nice. Nothing earth shattering. Stuff we'd heard before but you can never hear "too often."

Since the conference was in Lexington, we went home Friday night. Mistake. We had already planned for Tim to skip part of the conference on Saturday morning to go to Noah's soccer game.

Well, I woke up Saturday morning and realized that our house looked like a bomb had gone off. I started in about how we shouldn't go back to the conference. However, I'd already booked a hotel room for that night (date night) and we both realized we wouldn't have "date night" if we didn't finish out the conference. I also didn't want to hang out by myself as some of the time for the soccer game would spill over into the lunch hour of the conference, so, not only would I be alone -- I'd be lunch-date-less!

Well, I finally had an inspired thought and said, "I'll just skip out with you and go to the game." And that's what we did. We went back to the conference, skipped out for the game, went back to the conference and then had "date night." The hotel was marginal -- I do not recommend the Four Points Sheraton in Lexington, Kentucky -- but the company was exceptional!

Sunday was an amazing day at the conference. The sessions were informative and meaningful. We learned early on in the conference about a book entitled, "Sacred Marriage: What if God designed marriage to make us holy, more than to make us happy," by Gary Thomas. We wanted to buy it but it was already gone so we back-ordered it. Today I ordered a devotion to go with it.

At the end of Sunday's sessions, we had a time of covenant. There was actual text for it in the workbook. We had the option not to say the words. We had the option to say them but not really mean them or even listen to what we were saying. We did neither. We said them and MEANT them. For me, I meant the words of that Covenant more than the vows I made on our wedding day. I walked away truly changed.

So we went home. And Monday night, after a long Emmaus Board meeting, my friends Marty and Judy and I were at Samaritan hospital with our other friend (aka sister), Susan. I only took my car keys and phone into the ER with me. The phone was in my pocket . . . the last I knew.

I went home from the hospital with a headache but feeling I'd been where I was supposed to be.
Tuesday morning was my interview at KET. I went and, on my way there, was going to call home for some odd or end and couldn't find my phone in my purse. I figured it was just still in the pocket of my pants from the previous night. Well, I got through a delightful interview (seems oxymoronic, I know) and went home to wash my face (I don't usually wear much make-up) and change into khakis.

I looked for my phone.

Searched for my phone.

Turned the house UPSIDE DOWN for my phone.

And. . . I never cursed under my breath. I never blamed my husband. No one was there to hear me, but I didn't scream or throw a fit which, I hate to admit, was like the "old me."

I actually hesitate to write this all out because I know some people who will actually want to hold me accountable for my future behavior . . . but there it is.

All day I KNEW I had lost my phone. And I did not react. I felt calm. I was calm.

Wednesday I got new phones for me and Tim (we were both eligible to upgrade and I have hated his LG phone since he got it). I was late for GROW (Get Revived on Wednesday) at church. I was not frantic. I simply drove to church. Late as I was, I chatted with the people I saw in the lobby. Got up to my small group and basically told everything I've told you.

I have had groups of people praying for me about this job for several days. And I know my friends pray for me EVERY day. I am feeling it.

You will say I'm nuts -- but I'm a different person today and that's how I know. Prayer works.

So, last night (Thursday) I got the call. Michele, in San freakin' Diego! I wanted to call Tim and confer but he was on his way to soccer practice, music blaring, I'm sure. So, after a couple of attempts, I called Michele and accepted. Tim and I had already talked about it and agreed we wanted it. I'm pumped!

This morning, Tim went out to the store for a couple of things we needed and I was there with the kids.

This is usually bad.

Very bad.

I'm trying to get ready for work. I have added stress because I'm thinking about what I'm going to say to give my "two weeks' notice."

Suddenly I hear raised voices. The girls are in Noah's room.

"What's going on?" I ask.

Mary (her hands rifling through Noah's dresser) says she's looking for the shorts she bought that are actually boy shorts.

And I say, get this: "It's a little early, Noah just woke up and he's a bit groggy. Why not come out of there and give him five minutes? Just five minutes. . ."

First thing is, she DOES it!! Grumbling but she comes out of his room.

The next thing that happens is that Noah starts looking for the shorts and finds them! I call Mary back, give her the shorts and say, "see how nicely that worked out?"

No shouting, no sore throat from screaming, no stomping. It was a dream. And all about God. He is SO working on me! I'm blown away by this!

I know, you're laughing. "What an idiot!" you're thinking. She must have been awful! I don't think my friends would say so, but my family, who bore the brunt of all my broken dreams and disorganized frustration, would say I was. I could NOT change -- God did it. In the words of the old hymn, "He touched me."

He touched me, O, He touched me,
And O, the joy that floods my soul.
Something happened, and now I
know,
He touched me and made me whole.

It's so amazing. And Tim agrees with me. He has noticed I've changed. I know I'll lose my temper. It's happened already. But it's nothing to what it used to be.

I'm amazed. I'm blessed. I want people to know they can be too. God is good. All the time.

Random Thoughts

Life is so strange -- I guess that keeps it interesting.

I spent some time at the hospital with a friend last night. She has struggled for months alongside her husband whose health has deteriorated for various reasons, some of them as yet unknown. We prayed last night that God would simply send a good doctor and a pleasant nurse. This was something they had struggled with on a previous visit.

God answers prayers! The doctor who is treating Elson is the one his Cincinnati doctor wanted and the nurse who helped get him get settled in his room last night was into horses -- which is what Susan and Elson are ALL ABOUT! God is so into us and our needs. And he WILL meet them.

However, I believe we go through trials for reasons and some of them we'll never know.

And that's okay.

I have a great word of the day for you today: trichotillomania.

It means: an irresistible urge to pull out your own hair.

As a mother to three children I can relate to this. However, I have a friend who has it rougher than I and she keeps her hair and her temper. I'll just call her "J". She is my most holy, special friend. I admire her above any other person I know. Life continues to throw her curve balls and she continues to glorify God. She is amazing and I love her very much.

Thank you God, for our friends. What a gift they are; sustaining us and allowing us to be you with "skin on." I am blessed.

Please pray for Susan and "J" today.

Oh yeah, I am remiss if I do not also mention that my beautiful friend Martybob is, on this most auspicious day, 18 years old (with 32 years experience)! Love ya!

A Laugh to start the week. . .

If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. -- Bill Lyon

I thought that was a hoot!

And then I got a "word of the day e-mail" (one of many):

Mizzle (MI-zl), v.
To mist or rain in very fine drops.

. . .And what's wrong with saying "drizzle?" We need more than one word? Oy -- no wonder English is so hard for ferinners to larn!

I'm in a great mood! Tim and I went to the Irresistible Differences conference over the weekend. It wasn't the best one ever -- there really wasn't anything BRAND new. However, as we have just been through several grueling months in our marriage and have been working very hard to keep it in tact. . . well, it was perfect timing on God's part.

We are very much devotees of the FamilyLife model for marriage and have used our workbooks from past Weekend to Remember conferences as outlines for our Christian Marriage talk for Chrysalis weekends.

We keep going back because repetition has become a key tool for us in marriage relationship. It doesn't hurt to hear things over and over -- maybe you'll internalize it!

The other materials from FamilyLife are great too -- particularly anything by Dennis and Barbara Rainey! We've decided to start a Homebuilders group in our home -- probably just every OTHER week to start out. I'm very excited about this. I hope it is the beginning of a ministry we want to enlarge with FamilyLife. We're not ready to move to Little Rock yet . . . . mainly because of the kids. . . but, we're hoping God calls us to work with them as a vocation.