That Legacy Question again. . .

So, what will be my legacy? I'm asking myself today because a wonderful, Godly man died this week and I was supposed to sing at his funeral this morning. I say "supposed to" because another appointment (at which my presence was superfluous at best) kept me from arriving at the church in time to practice with the ensemble of which I was supposed to be a part. The director found a replacement and I was out. It hurt. Not so much because I wanted so badly to sing at a funeral. I've done that. Not because I loved Jim so much -- I bearly knew him but wanted to honor him. No, it hurt that, after the things I've done and the times I've managed to surmount odds and show up, I still got a vote of "no confidence."

I'm wondering a lot lately who I really am and what my life means. Maybe I'm just thinking too much. Tim tries to cheer me up by pointing at our wonderful children. They are wonderful but I feel like very little of their "wonderfulness" has to do with me. We've been incredibly blessed. But they'll leave and then what will I have to remind me I've even been on the Earth at all. Yeah, I'm depressed.

I guess I'm just feeling lost and replaceable. Blah, blah, blah. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I hate feeling sorry for myself but I'm very good at it.

Anyway, if you're reading this and you're not married yet and you're still in school -- figure out who you are first and then join your life with someone else. "Finding yourself" only gets harder if you've already morphed into part of someone else.

Homework Help

This wasn't like anything I'd seen or done before so I thought I'd share it:

My name is Kelly Hamilton

My name is Kelly (Noah’s mom).
The name I should be called is “Mom,” because that’s how most people know me – I'm Mary, Sara and Noah’s mom.
The animal that is inside of me is a cat because I love to take naps.
What’s in my heart is Jesus because He helps me love others.
The sound I like is my children’s laughter.
The sound I dislike is the noises people make when they eat.
The smell I love is chocolate chip cookies out of the oven.
The smell I don’t love is burnt popcorn.
I love to touch my family with hugs and kisses.
I don’t love to touch any food that’s gone bad – ewwww.
I love the taste of milk chocolate.
The taste I don’t love is coconut.
Something I like to look at is my kids when they are being loving and sweet.
I don’t like to see suffering and pain.
My favorite memory is our family trip to Ocean Isle Beach, North Carolina when Noah was two. He really liked playing in the water!
My favorite thing in the whole world is being with my family having fun – inside or out!

Drama

Tim and I did a small skit in church this morning. It was about a guy coming to terms with his past and trying to move forward through his issues with his dad. Hit a lot of buttons with people and it felt good to think we were part of a message that's universal. If we believe in Jesus and being made "new" in Him, why do we continue to hang on so tightly to all the bad stuff (and good) from the past? We aren't what we did or said or thought then, we're today; we're this moment.

I need to take that thought with me to work tomorrow!

Time Flying. . .

Tomorrow is the start of the 2006-07 school year. Mary will be a Senior. She had her Senior Portraits taken earlier in the summer and we're supposed to go at the end of August to purchase a package. Where have the days gone?

I'm still at KET. I'm staring down the barrel of my year anniversary and feeling deserving of a ginormous pat on the back. It's the most stressful job I've ever had. But there have been some wonderful moments and I know my kids have had fun here -- despite missing me during pledge drives. I literally lost the month of March.

Tim's back is great for the most part -- if he overdoes it he has pain but who doesn't. The surgery was a miracle. He's working hard on his bachelor's degree and should be done in December 2007 -- the end of Mary's freshman year in college. Irony rules my life.

Sara is a freshman tomorrow. She auditioned for and made Color Guard. She has worked really hard this summer (as have all the girls and the band) and I'm excited because the first home football game is Friday night! I am encouraging her (I hope NOT too strongly because I know that will actually DIScourage her) to think about trying out to be a drum major -- she'd be perfect for it! I think she's excited about high school but, as anyone would be, nervous. Mary says she will share her locker with Sara . . .which I find extremely sweet.

Noah starts 4th grade. In Lexington, that's the year you begin to get letter grades and you start your portfolio. It was a hard year for both girls. I don't want to anticipate or assume anything but I'm girding myself. . .

I know it seems like I whine a lot. . . I guess I just get tired of never having any money. It's not like we don't work hard. Stuff is just expensive.

Life Goes On. . .

So we're back from Florida -- seems like a dream. Isn't that how vacation usually works?

Tony sold his house in Clearwater and will be coming north in February. He'll be moving back in with Bob and Janet (my in-laws) for a bit until he's decided on a specific direction to move in. We're excited because we have a lot of work to do on our house and are hoping he'll come help us!

So here are some pics from our vacation. . .
Banyan Tree from the Edison Estate

Noah and Gus (those dogs were ALL about just licking him and loving him)

Tony's House in Clearwater (no longer his. . .)

So, life goes on and we're back to the grind. I've already had to get through a Board Meeting and a luncheon since vacation (dream that it was). Mary is working hard. . .just finished as "Costume Mistress" for Seussical the Musical and is now slogging through Mock Trial and ACT preperations. Sara's orchestra is preparing to play at the KMEA Educator's conference in Louisville in February and Noah is just doing that third grade boy thing. Tim has made it through a round of lay offs at Lexmark. . . Thank you Jesus!

God blessed us so much and so deeply in 2005. I am praying that I can just be grateful in 2006.

Blessings. . .