Undecided. . . college major or theme for a life?

What do you want to be when you grow up? I don't think I ever knew for sure. I've told myself for 20+ years that the reason I'm always dissatisfied with whatever job I have is that: I'm a frustrated teacher, I didn't know enough while I was in college to make a mature decision and get my certification. . . and on and on. Or the job was beneath me. I am, after all, a college graduate, albeit by the skin of my teeth. Why should I be happy as a secretary for my whole life? Well, because other people are, duh! It's just never been enough.

As of this coming Friday, I am no longer a KET employee. I loved this job, or parts of it, and I'm sad to go but I got to the point where I just couldn't stand to go anymore. There's really no one to blame but myself. I'm sure if I had a stronger will or could get my mind right, I could handle anything. It's a question of wanting to. Why would I want to do the menial tasks I have been doing for 2 years when a lying, backstabbing, slovenly idiot is doing the job I asked for a year ago and could have done just as well or better? Why would I want to stay in a job where I type other people's itineraries and make other people's travel plans? Where there is no opportunity for me to grow?

Well, I didn't. So I looked for something else and found it. I'm starting as a paralegal at on Tuesday, September 4.

Am I sure it's the one I've been looking for? Where I'll finally feel like I can stay? I dunno. I'm going to try it on for size and I'm not going to be afraid to try again. I thought KET would be IT. My last job. Not. No job is perfect. I'll have issues wherever I go, but I've learned about what I can take and what I'm just not into. I'm just not into being passed over.

In my sort of "exit interview," my supervisor told me she'd seen this coming. After almost two years of telling me how valuable I was she'd seen it coming. If I was so "valuable," why didn't she do something to stop me? She can't claim ignorance, we had a conversation very recently where I told her what I wanted. Her constant refrain was that I wasn't a "secretary." Ha -- maybe she doesn't know what a secretary is, having never had to be one, but I was one and I don't ever want to go there again, and I'll make sure whoever I work for from now on knows it.

I'm mourning. I liked KET. I liked pledge drives and T.V. and meeting pseudo-celebrities. I liked the thought that it might be a possibility that some day I'd be "talent." I'm not sure what I did wrong that I became less than valuable -- so much so that I was, in the end, expendable -- but it makes me sad.

So, do I know what I want to be when I grow up. Nope. Something good. Something worthwhile, where I'm helping someone do something and making a difference. And not typing someone else's stuff. I have to be away from my family all day for my job. I want it to be worth the sacrifice. I think that's why I'm so picky. . . at least I hope it is, and not just that I hate working and would rather be a pampered princess eating bon bons on the couch. . . . nah.

Oh yeah. . . a p.s. to the Harry Potter Rant

I'm almost finished listening to Deathly Hallows on CD. I'm catching things this time around that I missed the first time. I think I've changed my mind a bit about Harry. He has grown and I do like the way she deals with his "end." Some things still don't make sense . . . and why doesn't Umbridge get a "comeuppance?"

Anyway, while I don't think I need to "eat crow," I was a bit harsh after my first read through. However, I don't think I'll be taking anything about the Epilogue back.

Just my two cents.

She's on her way. . .

and so am I. I started the day by accepting a new job as a paralegal. After 14 years in Lexington, I finally found a firm that doesn't care about a piece of paper. Michele took it well. And I start at on September 4. I'm excited and nervous. And, again, I'm not the only member of my family to be so. . .

Mary's roommate at college is the niece of our Pastor at St. Luke UMC. Her name is Lauren and she's a peach. The eldest of two girls, her mom is the principal of the small, private school she attended in Ashland (several hours' drive from Asbury) where she was one of TWO Seniors to graduate last year. I've coached Mary about tomorrow afternoon and the high likelihood of a meltdown and bout of homesickness on Lauren's part. They are planning to come to church Sunday. I think we're about to adopt a third daughter. . .

Anyway, tonight was the President's Convocation and faculty reception on campus. It was amazing. Held in Hughes Auditorium, named for the founder, a place bathed in the Holy Spirit, we sang hymns and learned some interesting facts about the "Fearless" freshman class of 2011. Surprise, surprise. . . the most popular major is (drum roll please) Undecided! Education majors (Mary's group) are the third most popular. The newly-minted president, Dr. Sandra Gray (first woman president of Asbury) spoke and assured the parents that the new freshmen students are now in good hands. "They are our kids," she said, comparing their responsibility to the Good Shepherd's for his sheep. I was comforted by the commitment of the faculty and I think it finally hit Tim just how blessed we are that Mary is at Asbury.

The most poignant part of the service was the Litany of Celebration. The President, Provost and Faculty, Class Sponsors and Students and then the Parents each had a part to read. All of the readings were wonderful and then we parents stood up. . .

"We confess that we stand at a crossroad in our lives. We ask for the courage and confidence to release our children to this community of faith and learning. We pray that our children will be reminded of the good shared with them through the years. May such blessings sustain and encourage them even now. We, too, desire a new and loving relationship found only when children leave home and return as friends. We commit ourselves to prayer, both for our students and for Asbury College. It is with joy and expectation that we come into this family, realizing what God desires for our children is far more than we can understand. (Italics mine and yeah, this is where I started crying) This, by faith, we believe and accept as God's plan and purpose."

I DARE anyone to stand next to their college freshman child and say these words without shedding a tear.

After the service in the auditorium, there was a reception at the Library with the faculty. My friend Judy's husband, Marty is a Psych prof. We chatted with them and they pointed us toward the English-as-a-second-language professor, Marcia Hurlow, whose daughter is a Junior at Dunbar this year -- small world. Dr. Hurlow's daughter, Marjorie (or Jorie) is in the choir at PLD and sings Alto. Odds are pretty good that she knows Mary but we haven't had a chance to compare notes much yet.

Our next stop was the Education Department and, as we walked through the stacks of books, Tim pointed ahead of him. Standing there was one of the best people we've ever had the pleasure to know -- Tim Crook, former principal of Northside Elementary School, where Mary attended from 1st through 4th grade. He and his family attended our church in Versailles and we loved them! He is now an assistant professor at Asbury and will be Mary's adviser! Small world. . .

So we chatted with a couple more people -- including Dr. Gray herself, I just had to thank her for being Mary's Good Shepherd -- and started for the car. The campus is charming and they're doing a lot of work on the buildings and grounds. Most of the buildings are red brick Georgian and you could basically pick them up and put them in Oxford -- they'd fit perfectly on Miami's campus. It's been really hot here but the walk back to the car was nice. While the parents had been meeting the faculty, the students had broken up into their "Transition and Guidance" (TAG) groups and were doing campus tours. As we turned a corner, Tim realized Mary was just ahead with her group. He stopped on the sidewalk and was looking at her. I tugged on his sleeve and indicated we shouldn't embarrass her -- but then a voice said "Hi Mom, hi Dad!" and Mary came running over! In front of her new friends! Wow! Turns out TAG groups have monthly gatherings or parties and she wants to invite them to our house for a barbecue. We've spent the last two days telling kids from out of town to feel free to come home with her to do laundry and have a home cooked meal -- and tonight she confirmed that she's okay with that!

So, we're parents of a college student now. The wings opened a bit tonight and when she could have flown away, or just rested where she was, she flew back to us for a moment. And it was extremely sweet.

Tim and I are blown away by Asbury. It's an amazing campus, peaceful and calm and all of the kids are polite and helpful. Of course, it's orientation. . . . but I've been there before and I always feel good there. Like something wonderful is happening, invisible but important. Now I know why -- God is working there on the future and, while we cared before, now we're invested in that future and I'm so grateful. . .and excited to see what He has in store!

Amen!

The Big Day

So tomorrow we take our baby to college. I'm not sure where the time has gone. We certainly don't have any more money to show for the time that's passed. But we do have a beautiful daughter (we have two but only one is leaving for college). I'm amazed at how fabulous she is. How smart. How normal. She's not addicted to anything and isn't pregnant. She has a good idea of what she wants to "be when she grows up." I'm blown away by her maturity. Yes, she's still a teenage girl and behaves as such most of the time. But she's light years ahead of where I was as a college freshman. I'm not sure she isn't light years ahead of me right now in some respects.

Yes, I love her deeply and no, it's not an unbiased opinion. But a few people agree with me.

And tomorrow she leaves. To quote Dr. Jones, Sr., "just when (she) was getting interesting." I admire her and respect her. I like being around her. I hope she feels the same about me.

I'm excited for her and what she's about to do; the world she's about to discover. But I might not be opening the door to her room for a while and I think we'll all be a bit sad for a few days.

I'm anxious to see what colors the butterfly develops on her wings. . . and I only hope I can see them through my tears.