Being There. . . but not with Peter Sellers

I never saw that movie.

What I'm talking about is something I brought up in a post last September. Being here for my kids as they try their wings.

Mary and Ethan broke up this summer. I should say, HE broke up with HER. This is the first time this has happened to her, as she usually does the breaking and she has been in pretty bad shape.

The rest of the Ham Fam is at Lake Cumberland this weekend with another family camping and boating. But Mary has to work today and tomorrow and, well, I needed to be here. She's been sad and not eating and conflicted and I didn't want to leave her alone. Sara was not happy about NOT staying home too but she kindly went. I am hoping and praying she understands that, when the time comes, I'll be here for her too. I'm also acutely aware of the ways in which I have NOT been here for her lately.

Which leads me to ask myself if I am ever truly here. I want to trust God enough to live each moment. Responding to my environment with only that moment in mind, nothing else.

This week, Sara called me from school and needed me to help her. I don't need to go into details but it was during my lunch hour, which, if you have read any of my other posts, is precious "me" time. I probably don't need to tell you I wasn't particularly nice to her on the phone, and, while I apologized when I got to school, the damage was done.

I tell my children they are my heart but when I respond in that way, can they really believe me? Do I really mean it when I say it?

So, I'm lifting up a prayer for this weekend and beyond but also for this moment. The I'll be in it.

New Haircut and other random stuff from the last couple of days. . .

Well, in my schizophrenic way, I have changed my hair. . . again.

It's my Grandma Bunger's fault, really. She was what we called when I was a kid, a "beautician." They're not called that anymore and I'm not quite sure why.

However, she also TAUGHT Beauty School. She was an instructor at Continental Beauty School in Dayton, Ohio. There was a DJ on local radio named Steve Kirk and we would listen to his show every morning for news and weather as we got ready for the day. My Grandma would stay with us a couple of days a week to help around the house (how lucky was my MOM -- who admits it openly) and most mornings we'd hear Steve Kirk say, "Stop on down to Continental Beauty School and ask for 'Big Red!'" That was my Grandma. She had a lot of different hair-dos, too, and colors, but mostly it was red.

Anyway, one of my earliest memories is of sitting on the fold-out stool in the kitchen of our house on Shiloh Springs Road (where now there is a Lowe's parking lot -- I loved that house, talk about "paved paradise". . .but I digress), and Grandma cutting my hair. I was very young, so she may have just been trimming it because pictures of me from that age show me with long-ish hair. But that didn't last long.

I was the guinea pig, the model, the "demo."

Early on I had a pixie. In fourth grade, before it was popular, I had a "shag." Everyone made fun of my hair but all the rich and popular kids came back from Christmas Break with hair cuts just like mine. Of course, that didn't make me "in." I already had the next haircut.

In sixth grade it was a "wedge." Just like Dorothy Hamill -- sort of. I was the guinea pig, remember, so it wasn't exactly right. However, again, a few short months after I broke ground with it, several of the more popular girls were sporting them.

I danced. From the age of five to my sophomore year in high school. All the other girls in ballet class had cute, tight buns. NO -- not butt buns, hair buns. It made me so sad that I didn't look like them. We'd have a recital or my mom would watch me in class and say, "Honey, your hair looks so pretty when you do turns with it cut like that." I don't recall whether I ever told her how much it hurt to not have hair like the other girls. Looking back, I'm sure it was cute. . .I'm just sayin'.

I must have asked to let my hair grow out at some point because I remember being told it was too thin. . . ask anyone who knows me or has had to wait for me to dry my hair. It's not thin now. It is my belief that, like all the other hair on my body, the more times I cut my hair, the thicker it gets. My hair is pretty thick.

Grandma is gone now. I miss her a lot and wish she could see the woman, wife and mother I have become and the family that carries her legacy of love to the next generation. I have a lot of stories about her because she was such a huge part of my life. I was so fortunate to have her and never really appreciated her. Sometimes I hated her just for being around. It makes me cry to think how often I could have just given her a hug but I snubbed her and ignored her. I'm ashamed of the way I treated her because she was such a treasure. She was our family's glue and since she's gone we see a lot less of each other. It's more of an effort now.

Again, I digress.

(Deep breath and sigh.) So, I was really tired of my scraggly hair. Having it cut a lot when I was young spoiled me for healthy hair. And FREE hair cuts. I nearly had a cardiac arrest in college when I finally had to PAY to get my hair cut and realized how much my Grandma had saved my mom and me over the years. I'm just glad my girls like their hair long. . .

I'm back and forth about continuing to color it -- I'm curious about just how much gray I actually have. But I can't stand to have a lot of frizz and dead ends so I called Ecotage (the salon I've been going to for a couple of years now) but my regular "stylist," Melanie, couldn't help me because she gets off early on Thursdays. Well, this was urgent. I felt like if I had to look at my hair in the mirror one more day I'd cut it myself. . .Heaven forbid!

So I called a salon closer to home: Alure. Used to be Planet Salon but for a while it's been Alure. Everyone says it's expensive and I guess it is compared to SuperCuts but it's comparable to Ecotage. I checked their website.

So I got an appointment with Jen and showed up at 5:15 p.m.

Okay, let's go back a step. You know that whole story I started with about being my Grandma's guinea pig? Well, I tell that EVERY TIME I go to a new stylist. My hair fickleness originates there but it never really stopped so I've had several different colors of hair (including a sort of dark-pumpkin-Lucille-Ball color that started out as a mistake, but became the butt of every joke told around me for months) and many lengths and styles (including an Annie Lennox phase in college). I am SO NOT afraid to get my hair cut on. I KNOW FOR A FACT it will grow back!

So, I tell my story about Grandma and how I've done all these things to my hair and I say, "I am not afraid. If I tell you short, I want SHORT." Then I say, "cut it" and they are ALWAYS timid! I'm 43 years old. I KNOW what I want my hair to look like -- at least in that moment. I've sort of resigned myself to it but, ever the cockeyed optimist, I try it every time anyway.

Which brings us to Jen at Alure. She listened. She said, "okay, we're gonna have fun with this!" And fun we had! My hair is SO cute! It hasn't been this short in forever but I love it! This is even more meaningful because it's been several days, I've washed and styled it myself, slept on it and it's now dirty -- and I STILL love it!

I'm not sure this has any purpose other than to say I'm glad I found Jen.

And I miss my Grandma.This sweet picture is from Christmas of 1993.
(Grandma Bunger (aka GG), Sara at one year old and wild-haired Mary at I-just-turned-four.

So, the title mentions "random stuff" and, when I started this novel of a post I was thinking of several things to write about but I don't want to make you sit staring at your computer screen much longer because I'm sure your boss or spouse is looking over your shoulder and you've been so engrossed in my story you didn't even notice. Suffice it to say, I'm blessed and I love my husband.

Arrogant Americans

So, I started writing this a couple of days ago and had to move on to something more pressing but I couldn't bring myself to delete it. . .

I can understand how we have such a bad reputation. I mean, where else do people ignore driving laws just because they have a bigger vehicle or no one's looking?

I know this seems random, but it's true. I had an incident over the summer with a woman driving an SUV -- I think it was a Toyota but that's not really important -- I was waiting my turn in a crowded parking lot and she tried to go around me. .. . where other cars were parked! I actually rolled my window down to ask what she thought she was doing and she said "what do YOU think YOU'RE doing?" It was just frustrating.

This afternoon, I was on my way back to the office from my local Kroger and came to a traffic light that truly has no purpose unless it's rush hour because it helps direct school traffic. Well, the light was red. . . and the guy stopped in front of me totally ran it. Less than a minute after he decided it was okay for him to just randomly break the law, it turned green.

How Cool Is This?

So, I'd finished typing the previous entry this morning and this devotion showed up in my Inbox:

August 20, 2008

I Want, I Need, God Wants Me to Have

Sharon Jaynes
Today's Truth: "But godliness with contentment is great gain," (1 Timothy 6:6 NIV).

Mary Elizabeth was strolling down the cookie aisle at Wal-Mart with her three-year-old daughter, Sarah, who was riding comfortably in the "front seat" of the shopping buggy. Suddenly, Sarah spied a box of sugar cookies that were coated with pink icing and decorated with multi-colored sprinkles.

Her eyes brightened with enthusiasm as she put on her best cherub face. "Mommy, I want those cookies."

"Oh, Sarah," replied her mom, "we don't need any cookies today. We have plenty at home. Maybe another time."

Ten minutes later, as Mary Elizabeth passed through the checkout line, Sarah tried again. "Mommy, I need those cookies."

"No, Sarah, you don't need those cookies. We have plenty at home, and I'm not buying cookies today."

Finally, as they pulled out of the Wal-Mart parking lot, Sarah gave it one last try. "Mommy, I think God wants me to have those cookies."

I laughed as my friend told me her story. It was a nervous laugh because for just a moment, I saw myself riding through life in a shopping buggy, pointing at first one thing and then another whining, "I want...I need...God wants me to have."

Sarah had already learned our mechanism for justifying our whims. Whether it's sugar cookies with sprinkles on top or a new red convertible, given enough time we can justify our wants following that same progression. For Sarah, she went from I want to I need to God wants me to have in a matter of minutes. For us, it may take a little longer, but the tendency is still there.
However, God is very clear in His promise to supply everything we need which may be a far cry from everything we want.

Let's Pray

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me when I act like a child and want more. Forgive me when I go from "I want" to "God wants me to have" in the blink of an eye. I know You desire me to have a thankful heart - a contented heart that wants only one thing...more of You. I say with the Psalmist, "The Lord is my Shepherd. I have everything I need." In Jesus' Name, Amen
Now It's Your TurnHave you ever justified your wants by saying that God wants you to have them?

Ouch! That hurts, doesn't it?

Ponder these two verses today:
"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19 NIV).

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness" (2 Peter 1:3 NIV).

More from the Girlfriends

Today's devotion was taken from Sharon's new devotional book, Extraordinary Moments with God. Come with Sharon as she dusts for God's fingerprints that change ordinary days into extraordinary moments. As you explore this treasury of stories highlighting "God moments" in the lives of fellow travelers, you too will begin to sense His presence in extraordinary ways.
Seeking God? Click here to find out more about how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Girlfriends in God

P.O. Box 725

Matthews, NC 28106

info@girlfriendsingod.com

www.girlfriendsingod.com

So, I guess I was getting the right message from my reading this morning. Further irony can be found in the fact that the mom in the devotional is "Mary Elizabeth" (my eldest child's FULL name) and the daughter is "Sarah" (misspelled but the name of my middle child - Sara). God is so good and it's so wild the lengths to which He will go to make a point!

My Heart's Desires

Today my daily Bible reading led me to this:

Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

I must have actually been listening this morning because I started really considering what the "desires of my heart" could be.

I thought about what is most important to me:

• Healthy, well-adjusted children
• A faithful, loving husband
• Income to provide food and shelter
• Opportunity to cultivate a deeper relationship with Christ
• Close friends with whom to share insights, but mostly just a laugh

I have all these things.

Why, then, am I so discontented? I feel I have just discovered how arrogant I am. I'm sure I'm not alone, and I complain about the sense of entitlement in our society, but I have it too! I'm so ANGRY that I got my college degree (which was really given to me since I screwed off so much in college) and now I don't have a job that's highly paid AND highly satisfying. I'm so ANGRY that God hasn't helped me find another position. In the meantime, I'm paid a good deal of money at a location that is beyond perfect (the center of my world -- 5-10 minutes from my home, kid's schools, my favorite grocery. . .need I go on?); I'm not closely supervised which allows me to do things at my own pace AND do a certain amount of personal business (including reading my Yahoo e-mail, Facebook-ing and writing in this blog occasionally). What the???

Who am I to be discontented? People a world away are DYING because they even say they love Jesus. People around the corner don't have a job or a home. My own brother has dysfunction in his family beyond anything I could imagine -- and he's not a bad guy and is a Christian. What makes me think I'm so special that I should have ALL those things listed above and still not have the "desires of my heart"??? I hadn't thought about it before but God really has given me those things because they ARE the desires of my heart. I have them!! Wow! I'm blessed beyond measure.

I just hope I can remember it when someone here at work gets on my last nerve or I mess up my work for the umpteenth time.

God be with me today and help me to remember how BLESSED I am (yeah, that word is SO over used!!) and those who are NOT!

Thanks for stopping by. K

What If?

I had a funny thought in the bathroom this morning while I was drying my hair. Somehow that song, "How Do I Know" (or whatever it's called) from Enchanted is stuck in my head even now (because I don't know all the words and can't finish singing it to myself. . . anyone feel my pain on this?) and I was seeing that scene in my head with Amy Adams and Patrick Dempsey running around in Central Park and I thought, "She'd have been up a creek if she'd run into a POOR guy first . . ."

I mean, really, what mechanic or fry cook at McDonald's is gonna be able to pay for that bouquet she picks out? Actually, I'd be interested to see that movie. How would that guy's girlfriend react and what "ball" would there be to attend? Think about it. . .