Book Review: Hell, Rob Bell and What Happens When People Die

We live in a society where "truth" is relative and saying you know what the truth is gets you called names like "intolerant," "hypocritical," and "judgmental."


Rob Bell is a controversial figure in Christian circles because he's hard to pin down when it comes to "truth."  Bobby Conway isn't.  He believes what the Bible says and, despite being an "apologist," does not apologize for embracing the inerrancy of Scripture.  Conway has written Hell, Rob Bell and What Happens When People Die to disprove Love Wins but also to show how unashamed he is of the gospel and all that it teaches.


While I have not yet read Bell's book, Love Wins, I intend to -- I am not afraid of it and I like to know what I'm refuting.  However, I got the chance to read Bobby Conway's book for free and, well, free is good.


Conway was an unknown quantity to me before I opened his book so I came in without expectation -- well, that's not entirely true.  The book cover is so stark, I thought it looked like something someone would have published personally so my expectations were probably pretty low.  I was pleasantly surprised by the scholarship, honesty and urgency with which it is written.


I wonder why Bell continues to call himself a Christian.  He seems to think he can pick and choose what he wants to believe from the Bible and, if he truly believes as he states in the ads for his book that, "billions of people have been taught that . . . Jesus rescues you from God," [i.e. hell], what part does the Trinity play in his religion (because I think he's made one up)?


Bobby Conway takes his readers step-by-excruciating-step through the mess that is humanity's depravity and sin.  Through the amazing gift God offers to those who will believe on his son, Jesus; His life offered freely for that very depraved humanity.  To salvation.


If Bell is right and there is no hell; if there is no punishment for not believing in the only "name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved” (Acts 4:12), then why did Jesus have to die?  Why believe in Him at all?  Isn't God sending His son to die the ultimate cruelty if it was all for nothing?


The answer is that the Bible teaches that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)  This means that a loving, just and holy God must punish that sin.


Conway walks us through it; invites us to understand and, in the end, if you do not feel an urgency to tell others about Jesus, you need to read his book -- and the Bible -- again.


LOVE does win.  Bell's definitions of "love" and "winning" are just incorrect.


Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Dug Down Deep: Not Your Ordinary Theological Primer

I had, of course, heard of Joshua Harris; having been in church for 17 years and served as a youth counselor for many of those, I couldn't avoid hearing about how he "kissed dating good-bye."  I made many bad decisions as a young adult until ultimately led to Christ, and had mixed feelings about what I heard about his suggestions but I never had the chance to read the book for myself.

Harris is a married man now, with three children and a thriving pastoral ministry.  As many of us do, he has matured and he has knowledge to impart.  Knowing about, but never having read anything by him, I opened this book with eager anticipation.  I was not disappointed.

The subtitle of Dug Down Deep is "Building Your Life on Truths that Last," and the central scripture is Luke 6:47-48 where Jesus described "the only true foundation for life."  Harris sets the stage with his own experiences and his longing for us to have a solid foundation on which to build our faith.

There are many books that can teach you about the definitions of "church-y" words like "doctrine," "theology," "atonement," and the like.  You can pick up a dictionary -- or visit dictionary.com as I often do.  However, this book is so much more than a mere list of definitions.  Neither is it a dry recitation of those definitions with fancy words and difficult-to-follow sentences.  Harris walks us through systematic theology using glimpses of his own walk, timely and relevant scripture references and the works of theologians both past and present.  The definitions are relatively easy to understand and the examples are often poignant, always appropriate.

This book is useful both as a source for the beginning of your study of church doctrine and orthodoxy, and as a reference as you mature in your faith and come to your own realizations of what those words actually mean to you personally.

It is both easy to read and understand AND mature.  I'll want all my children (ages 14, 18 and 21) to read it but also my husband, who leads a growing men's ministry.

Thank you, Mr. Harris, for a text that is  informative and riveting; useful and meaningful; literate and loving.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

This Blog should be called: Fits and Starts

. . . because I don't write anything for LONG stretches and then I vomit something out and then I do a few book reviews (and I use that term VERY lightly). . .well, you get the picture.

Today I am feeling introspective and somewhat philosophical. Those who know me will KNOW that's very unlike me. I'm not deep. I'm not thoughtful (in any sense of the word). I just prefer not to dwell.

But today is Saturday. Unusual in my life because only one thing is on the calendar. I'm sitting alone in a quiet, albeit messy, kitchen and I just made a "collage" of my son on picnik.com:

Say it with me: WOW!

I prayed for this. I've told the story a thousand times. Friends of ours have a son who is 3 years older than Noah and he was built the same way as Noah all through elementary and most of middle school. All of sudden, in about 7th grade, he started to shoot up. It seemed like every week at church, when I saw him, he was taller, leaner, more of a man.

I never saw Noah as anything but a handsome boy but I knew he wasn't "lean". . .not unhealthy, just not athletically built. I prayed he would pull a "Clint Bacon" . . .there, I said the kid's name.

He's doing it. Every day I feel he's grown another fraction of an inch or more. Every day his voice is deeper, he's more of a teenager, less of a boy. And he's becoming a man in so many ways other than just physically.

Marching band started in July. It can be fun but it's also torture on many levels. Sometimes he complains but he keeps going. He's trying things. Pushing his limits -- yesterday was a day off from school and he and his friends went to the local elementary school park and practiced "free running" and "planking" -- nothing dangerous (well, TOO dangerous) but nothing like I'd have seen them doing a year or two ago. More importantly, he is becoming a strong young man after God's heart. He is in the Word. He is trying to live his faith every day and feels compelled to share it -- not in a judgmental way but out of empathy and love for those who don't know Jesus.

I'm so proud of him. At the same time, I'm so sad. There are countless things I wish I'd done differently.

I've had the pleasure and privilege lately of meeting many young moms who stay at home with their children; either homeschooling as they reach school age or just being there when they get home. I'm blown away by them. Many of them do things to earn money from home or on the side -- photography, etsy stores with handmade items, Mary Kay, etc. I'm awed by their love for their families and their ability to sacrifice. I'm humbled by their lives. And I'm sad that I didn't see that as an option when I was a young mother myself.

However, I'm not one to dwell. God has blessed our family so richly. I wasn't the best mom ever but my children seem to see me that way -- talk about GRATEFUL!

Last night was a rare "family game night" -- no one had to work (too late) and so we all had pizza and played Cranium and Balderdash together. We have SO much fun and laugh SO hard on these nights. I'm so amazed at the love we share and so excited about the future. How can I dwell on the mistakes I made when hardly any of it seems to matter when we are all together laughing and loving each other? I can only pray that they learn from my mistakes and observe all the different ways there are to lead their lives and are able to discern God's will for themselves. That would be the greatest blessing of all.

So Noah is becoming a man. And my daughters are amazing young women. I guess I should feel like I've done a good job. But I know my job is never done -- at least while I'm still breathing. I'm grateful for this moment of quiet, when I can feel like at this point I'm doing okay.

I'm trusting God with all the tomorrows. . .

How full is your basket?

Bruce, her husband, may be better known but Darlene Marie Wilkinson does an excellent job of presenting the ideas first presented in his book, Secrets of the Vine.

Mrs. Wilkinson takes women on a journey through a vineyard with a father and daughter . . . and OUR father.

Using lessons from growing grapes, and using Jesus' words from John 15, we learn how to grow toward an abundant life. Where are you in your spiritual walk? Are you being disciplined? Pruned? Have you learned to abide? This little book will help you begin to recognize just that.

It's a short but insightful read; one you will return to again and again because the lessons are important and refreshing.

I highly recommend it!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Book Review: The Corruptible by Mark Mynheir

This was such a pleasant surprise! The second installment in Mr. Mynheir's Ray Quinn mysteries, I'll definitely be playing catch-up and reading The Night Watchman...

Ray Quinn is an ex-homicide cop turned PI with a young and slightly impulsive partner, Crevis. Together with their young, tutor/Girl Friday, Pam, they become embroiled in a high stakes hunt for another ex-cop turned security officer. Mayhem ensues. The characters are fun and well drawn. The language is campy film noir but not to the point of distraction from the tense action of the story.

Quinn is typical of a noir-ish gumshoe but modernized and, while macho, also vulnerable. The ex-cop he's after was once a co-worker and Quinn sees a lot of himself in the sad road taken by his target. No one is perfect in The Corruptible world and that's as it should be. There is just enough detail thrown in by Mr. Mynheir, an ex-cop himself, to make things interesting but not mind-numbing as can often happen when a writer is exceedingly proud of their knowledge/research...

All of the supporting characters are well fleshed out, if a bit numerous. I'll be interested to see how the recurring characters develop.

In the end, Quinn, Crevis and Pam get their man and Quinn even starts down a possible road to redemption. Can you say cliffhanger?

I thoroughly enjoyed this easy but compelling read and recommend it with no reservations!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Book Review: Judgment Day by Wanda L. Dyson

I opened this book hoping for a suspenseful read. I hoped for a riveting storyline and engaging characters. As the Rolling Stones sang: "You can't always get what you want."

Ms. Dyson puts forth a good effort but there are details that are oddly disjointed: For example, why does Alex always mess up colloquialisms? Because she's a blue blood? It doesn't add to the character, it's just annoying. What happens to the bodies at the end?

Many things fall neatly (almost too neatly) into place but some things are left untied and those are the things I wanted double knotted. The characters are one dimensional and, especially in the case of Alex, stiff. The motive behind all the mayhem is sketchy.

However, if you are looking for a great beach read; something to keep you on the towel for a couple of hours, this is your book. The relationships are compelling to the extent you will get a good, even tan and, when it's time to go inside, you won't be loathe to put the book down and it will be easy to remember what was going on when you pick it up again.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

The Devil You THINK You Know. . .

The Canary List by Sigmund Brouwer is a very easy read. Unfortunately, it's a bit simplistic in other ways as well.

While the beginning of the book is intriguing and draws the reader in with a story of a teacher wrongfully accused, the supporting characters are mostly cliches as are the legs of the plot. Do demons exist and are they the engines that drive the evil in the world, or at least some of it? If so, could the very Papacy itself be threatened by demonic possession? It would be a wonderful premise if more research had been done and detail added -- not to mention the fact that the "advance reading copy" I have is very poorly edited.

While I found myself liking the characters of the teacher, Crockett Grey, and the student, Jaimie Piper. However, the first two-thirds of the book takes a long time to get anywhere and the last third of the book is so choppy, you wonder if it was worth the wait. You find yourself asking when the book will actually end.

And, surprisingly, you get to the end of the story without any real answer as to whether Mr. Brouwer believes in demons or not. It doesn't matter, as with many of the poorly executed good ideas called books these days, I see a movie in this one's future.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Get Cozy for this Read

River Jordan presents a spellbinding tale in The Miracle of Mercy Land. The characters are well written and likeable. The plot is compelling.

Mercy Land is a young woman in 1930’s Alabama who proves to be exceptional despite her seeming plain exterior. Mercy’s combination of plain spoken country common sense and journalistic curiosity draw the reader along as her quiet existence is turned upside down by a handsome stranger… or is he?

Miracle is a quick but compelling read and just in time for the beach. Take it along but be sure to set an alarm so you turn over regularly… Mercy wouldn’t want you to burn!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

My Review of Multicolor Lei Personalized Banner

Originally submitted at ShindigZ

Deocrate easily and affordable with a vinyl banner!

Dare to Compare!

• Prices as low as $14.79
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Multicolor Lei Personalized Banner

Luau-vely!

By Kelly the Queen from Lexington, KY on 2/28/2011

 

5out of 5

Pros: Attractive Design, Colorful, Good Value, Quality Construction

Best Uses: Celebration, Themed Parties

Describe Yourself: Frequent Host

Was this a gift?: No

I haven't had the opportunity to use this yet but it's a great value -- grommets included!

(legalese)

Book Review: Soulprint by Mark Batterson

What do you want to be when you grow up? What is my destiny? What am I supposed to do?

These are questions we are asked and that we ask ourselves our entire lives. As Christians, we begin to ask, "What is God's Will for me?"

Mark Batterson takes on these seemingly enigmatic questions in his book, Soulprint.

Following the blueprint of the life of King David, Batterson leads a treasure hunt. He encourages the reader to dig deeply into the past to discover moments and memories that defined his or her life and to follow the clues in those memories and in the Bible to discover God's Will for what is to come.

Almost every page is filled with sentences "that'll preach," as we say in Christian circles (i.e., "The only thing between you and your destiny is awkwardness. Are you ready to embrace it?"), but allowing those seemingly shallow phrases to sink in and meditating on what makes them "cliche" allows the reader to begin the very search that is the point of the book.

Don't let the size -- or seeming lack thereof -- fool you into thinking it's an "easy" read. It is easy TO read but take it slowly and allow the gems of truth you find along the way to really sink in. You'll be better off having done so and you'll want to recommend this little treasure of a book to many folks you know, believers and unbelievers alike.

This is not the first book I've read that uses David as an example for the Christian life, but, as only God can, each one has built on the other and Soulprint is no exception. The best recommendation any "Christian" book can receive in my mind is that it points back to and plants a craving for Scripture. This book does that. It's a great book for a "retreat weekend" or any time you can set aside for introspection -- because you'll want to set aside that time when you start reading this book, whether you've planned to or not.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

If God is Good by Randy Alcorn

I recently signed up with Blogging for Books through Multnomah Publishing so I could try my hand at reviewing. I am a voracious reader -- or was before I had children -- and was excited at the idea of paying for a book by simply reviewing it. Yes, I was sent the book free of charge in exchange for a review in a timely manner.

As my maiden voyage, I chose If God is Good: Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil by Randy Alcorn (Multnomah, 2009).

Having suffered a bit and walked with friends and loved ones through their suffering, I've wondered like everyone where God is in the midst of it. I've learned from those experiences that He is... in the MIDST of it. However, I've never been able to explain how I know that or felt ready to give an answer to anyone who might question me on it.

If God is Good gives solid reasoning to what I have learned from experience.

By walking the reader first through a discussion of the origins of evil and suffering and then through arguments against God's very existence on to how and why God uses suffering, we reach Mr. Alcorn's conclusion with him, having learned a lot of terminology and theology along the way.

And the conclusion? God IS good because God is God. We are not. The real question is why a fallen human race expects to live without suffering. We really don't deserve the wonderful things God gives us every day; beautiful sunrises, laughter, breath... but He gives it. Suffering and evil are not from God but they certainly put His love in sharp relief for us... and that is ultimately why He allows it.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

The More Things Change

Mary has come home from Florida. She is living with us (Tim, Noah, me, our two dogs (Woodie and Dash), my cat (Beau) and the two kitties she brought home with her (Elphaba and Nessa Rose)), working at the Crocs kiosk at the mall and preparing to begin classes at UK in January.

Last night Sara came home from Western Kentucky University for Thanksgiving. All five us spent the first half hour laughing and enjoying each other. How wonderful it is when we are all together!

Life has changed so much.... God has seen to that, but it's a comfort to know that our family dynamic of unpretentious, authentic love has not changed.

Today I am thankful for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ; my wonderful partner in life, Tim; my beautiful, intelligent daughters, Mary and Sara; and my handsome and talented son, Noah. No matter what, the love we have never changes.

Hmmm

What to say. Eight months have now passed since my last entry. Not much has changed but everything has.

We are now members of Center Point Church. It's an amazing experience to be in the midst of a group of people genuinely seeking Christ and to help others become closer to Him.

Mary and Justin came home for Thanksgiving. They live together now and, while I'm not thrilled with that, I do like him (as do the rest of the members of our family) and feel he's a good fit for Mary. She is now an Assistant Manager at Pet Supermarket in North Ft. Myers and I'm proud of the hard work she is putting in. She's a bit lost. Trying to figure things out -- something we all go through sooner or later and I'm trying not to interfere.

I love so much more than I ever have now. I find I am forgiving more. I am more willing to grow. I pray for even more patience and maturity. It makes me sad that it took 44 years to get to this point but I hope it's never too late.

I'm so grateful for my job at the Ronald McDonald House. So happy and proud to be able to say I work there and that I make a small difference in someone's life. I like the people I work with , some I even love very much.

Today, more than any other time in my life I see that God IS good all the time.

That's it. Nothing profound. I'm just glad and grateful today and wanted to tell someone. K

I am not MIA. . .

So, it's been quite a while since I wrote my last triumphant entry hailing the election of our nation's first African American President (I never know, should that be hyphenated?).

Since then, I've been laid off from my job at UDS, unemployed for a grand total of 2 and one half weeks and been hired for two more jobs! A lot can happen in four months.

I won't go into all the details. Suffice it to say, I am now the Volunteer Services and Development Coordinator for the Ronald McDonald House Charities of the Bluegrass. It's the best job I've ever had and I'm so THRILLED to be doing it. Having said that, I'm a bit daunted. It's a huge job and I haven't even chipped away the tip of the iceberg.

On the family front, Mary decided that she needed to get off of Asbury campus in order to move on after her break ups with first Ethan and then Chris . . . so she went as far as she could go and still be on the continent. She is living with my parents in Fort Myers, Florida. She has a job at Pet Supermarket and a boyfriend. She is talking about establishing residency and going to school there. Yes, as this was all unfolding I basically freaked out.

However, as it turns out, I'm a lot stronger than I thought and I'm living through it. This is by far the most difficult season of parenting so far.

I'm learning that it's not my life -- but I don't have to like or even support what she does with it. I feel I was gracious during Spring Break and I love her. But I don't have to watch as she pisses her life away. In a way, I'm glad she's far away so I don't have to be as much of a part of the mistakes she's making.

I'm just praying she doesn't do anything irreversible.

I guess this started out as an update and ended up a short rant. Parenting is so hard. And, regardless of what your children think, you're never really done with it.

Jesus, carry my little girl while she's far away and help me not alienate her. Amen.

History in the First Person

Well, the election is over and, even though Missouri and North Carolina are still "too close to call," it appears the people of the United States have smacked their foreheads into the history books and elected an African-American President!!

I'm thrilled with this, of course, and it's a great first step. Now the work begins in our country. Most of it will have nothing to do with Barack Obama. Let's take a long look at the smiling faces on the webpages today and carry them with us starting today. Joy and hope can be contagious and we will need them as our economy, most likely, worsens and soldiers continue to perish in Iraq and Afghanistan. No magic wand was waved last night at midnight so the problems still exist. The difference is, perhaps now we have a leader who can help us, as Keenan says on Saturday Night Live, "fix it!"

God bless Barack Obama, Joe Biden, John McCain, and yes, even Sarah Palin and their families today and grant them rest from their weary sojourn. And may God continue to bless America as we begin ours.

They still don't know him. ..

Barack Obama is the child of a black father and a white mother. As I sit here, NPR just finished an interview with David Axelrod wherein they played a recording of a voter in, I believe, Virginia who as much as admitted she believed that, if elected, Sen. Obama would look out for the interests of "his people." Um, does she know that she's actually ONE OF HIS PEOPLE???

I'm so tired of ignorance. People are just lazy. All the information is there. Readily available. But people choose to stay in the dark and cling to whatever ignorant ideas have gotten them to where they are -- and most people who are truly ignorant haven't gotten very far. . .I mean, I'm just sayin'.

Get a clue people! If you don't know something, look it up! Go to the library and get on the computer if you don't have one. Buy a newspaper! Again, the library has them FOR FREE!!

It's disgusting that we have the privilege of participating in the governance of our country but we don't take even the tiniest step to become truly informed so that we can make the best decision.

Now, more than ever, people need to know the REAL truth. Don't just listen to what they spout in the debates and commercials. . .LOOK IT UP!

'k.. . getting off my soapbox now.

Two-Party “System”??

Okay, here’s my frustration with politics in the good ole U.S. of A…

It’s stupid. How can anyone trust ONE group to meet all of their needs? Take me . . . and I don’t think I’m unique in this because I’m not unique in much of anything. .. I consider myself an “evangelical Christian,” but I’m not a “Republican.” Not the way I see it.

I like it when the government does things for me, like take care of some money for my retirement and, some fine day, my healthcare.

I pray to “end abortion,” but I don’t want to go back to criminalizing woman for having them.

I’m a student of history and, even though it’s been legal for most of my lifetime, I know that women were having them il-legally and DYING, along with their babies, for almost as long as we’ve been able to make babies. Do we really think that’s best?

I believe that the citizens of this country – with “Christians” first in line – should be:

1) Teaching their daughters about sex and its consequences; encouraging abstention but preparing for temptation,

2) Realistic about expectations for those women (young and not-so-young) who have “unwanted” pregnancies,

3) Providing support for those who seek abortions and don’t have them if they are talked out of it (especially by a Christian Organization) and,

4) Therapy for ALL who seek information and assistance.

It makes me so angry to think that people who call themselves Christians can think of no better way to get woman to NOT have abortions than picketing facilities while screaming at patients and, in extreme cases, blowing them up! Why not do something constructive and volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center. Hand out their business cards at the abortion clinic. PRAY in the parking lot. Don’t be confrontational and mean, be loving and gracious.

Okay, stepping down from my soapbox now.

As I was saying . . . I don’t want government bail-outs for every idiot who runs a company into the ground and I don’t think the taxpayers should foot the bill for people who spend more than they can afford on a mortgage OR the companies who let them do so. However, I’m not an economic or financial genius, as evidenced by our credit score and bank balances, so I’m willing to let someone smarter than I am to make decisions about it for the most part.

I don’t want a socialist society, per se, but I would like to see a fairer tax code and I believe that, in the wealthiest country on the planet, it’s a travesty to have children go hungry and homeless. Frankly, I’m angrier with the Christian community about the existence of all the hunger and need in our country than with the government. Jesus called us to give to and care for “the least of these.” Not hoard money and treasure for ourselves “where moths and rust . . . destroy.”

I want us out of Iraq. I want Osama bin Laden hunted down and brought to justice and he’s not in Iraq. Never was.

Finally, sort of, I don’t want someone LIKE me running the country. As forward-thinking as the founding fathers were, I’m not sure they ever envisioned what the US has become. It’s much bigger and much more complex than even those brilliant men could have anticipated. So, even though John Adams

and Thomas Jefferson

envisioned “every man” being able to be President, “every man” (or “woman”) is not who I want running this country. I’d like to see someone in charge that can RELATE to me . . . but definitely think it should be someone smarter than me. A lot smarter.

Which takes me back to the two-party question – what smart person really wants to be held to some broad guidelines thought up by party big wigs who are completely out of touch? I want someone who’s not beholden to anyone else for any reason and is going to do what’s best for the country regardless of what the party says.

Oh well, in a perfect world. . .

I'm not worthy. . .

I meet with my best good friend, Marty, on Thursday mornings (at least we’ve been doing so for about a month now and I’m LOVING it!). We’ve been meeting at Starbucks and just sort of catching up on our lives over the last week (or in the case of this morning, two weeks). This morning we got a little deeper in a couple of different ways and I want to write down and explore one in particular before I forget about it.

I am depressed. And I feel guilty about being depressed because I’m so very blessed. I know so many people, friends AND family, whose lives are SO hard. .. what's my problem?

Part of it is my job – as hard as I try to just say to myself, this job is paying me good money and I can get through it, I’m unfulfilled and disappointed in myself.

Part of it is – and this is where my talk with Marty comes in – I don’t feel worthy.

I hadn’t ever looked at it that way. Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m pretty arrogant. I’m smart and I have very little tolerance for anyone I think should be smart who isn’t acting like it. (Hence my disdain for McCain/Palin. . . but that’s another rant/post.) I'm sure I put off a very confident, if not disdainful, dare I say, elitist(?), vibe.

However, Marty and I share a history. Not that we grew up together or “knew each other when,” but in the sense that, like many young women, we suffered from an abysmal lack of self esteem as teens and young adults and we both tried the same things to fill the “God shaped hole” all humans have.

This morning, she mentioned that, despite what looks to outside eyes to be an exemplary life, a (seemingly) relatively easy life, Marty suffers from depression, too. Because we were "bad" as young women, we feel we don't deserve the life God has given us. We know we don't have to earn anything. That God's grace is unmerited by its very definition. That doesn't change the fact that, inside, we still feel the stain of our lives "before." We are both working hard to internalize the head knowledge but still. . .

What does this mean? Do I overeat to punish myself for being so blessed? Do I sabotage our finances in order to suffer and thereby earn the blessings God has seen fit to bestoy on me, on us?

Am I overstating/overanalyzing this? I don’t know.

What I do know is that I take a lot for granted and I need to stop it. All of it could end at any moment. We are, literally, one catastrophic illness or repair away from being homeless.

Sometimes I get it. Sometimes. At those times, I’m so grateful that I remember to take care of myself and love myself as Christ loves me. When I’m fit and at a good weight and feeling good about how I look, I’m, oddly enough, NOT depressed!

Perhaps, if I am proactive about my weight, the job will be easier to take. I don’t think I’ll ever LIKE it, but maybe my attitude will be better.

On the other hand, maybe not. But it’s certainly worth a try.

On an unrelated note, sort of, I got a comment on my previous post about my kids and Corey kindly added that they have “very special parents” . . . I would add that their parents have a loving God. One who, knowing how messed up Mom is, and loving Dad so much, gifted the two of them with fabulous offspring! I’m only half joking. . .

God bless you today and thanks for stopping by.

Noah's Prayer and other cool stuff about my kids

I'm about to describe a moment in my son's life that I'll want to remember because there won't be that many of them soon. . .he's 11 years old and not getting MORE sweet and innocent.

So, it was bedtime and I took a moment to lay down with Noah and listen to him talk about his day. I used to hold him in my arms when we did this but he's almost as tall as I am now and a bit too old for that. ..

In any event, he went on to tell me about three boys he goes to school with:

1) Dave, who fell asleep in Science class and didn't get in trouble for it even though the teacher looked right at him and he has a history with all the teachers of disruptive behavior. A boy in the same class "spoke out" to give an answer and DID get in trouble, ending up in the hallway for the remainder of the class. Noah's sense of justice was clearly tweaked.

2) Gabe, who is autistic and is disruptive but, apparently, brilliant, is being moved to Noah's Science class because they are apparently the best "role models" for Gabe. Noah has seen kids make fun of Gabe because of his in appropriate outbursts. I asked Noah if he ever said anything to them and he shrugged but seemed to internalize it.

3) Brandon. His mom was dying. Today we found out that she died.

I got all of this in a burst of fervent conversation. I got up to leave and he said he was going to pray. I asked if he wanted me to stay and he said I could. . .and here was the moment.

Noah prayed for Dave -- that his behavior would improve. For Gabe, that kids wouldn't make fun of him. And for Brandon's mom -- that she would get better but if she did die, that it wouldn't be painful.

I prayed for Noah, that he would be brave enough to be a role model to his friends.

And then tonight, Mary spoke to our GROW (Get Revived on Wednesday) class. We weren't there. . .but she was giving a testimony about an episode at camp over the summer when she definitely encountered some spiritual warfare.

I got the coolest note from the teacher/facilitator, Corey Nelson (www.cantankerouschristian.com) saying what a good job she did.

And Sara. . . well, she's committed. When she makes a promise, she keeps it. She helps with 2nd and 3rd grade at GROW and tonight was difficult. But she went.

I'm so proud of my children. They have their moments but today I'm extremely proud. And at the same time, humbled. They are great kids. . . and Tim and I have worked hard to be the best parents we can be but we were very young when we started and so we can't take all the credit. God has blessed us.

And for that I thank Him.

I'm Here

So, I'm getting my chance at redemption with Sara. Unfortunately, she's suffering so it's not very uplifting for me.

My sweet, beautiful child has suffered some with acne the last couple of years -- nothing monstrous but noticeable to a teen aged girl -- and we had often discussed taking her to a dermatologist but had opted to try over-the-counter remedies. Some worked for a while but, perhaps due to sporadic use over a prolonged period of time, all stopped.

Then, during band camp this summer, she developed blemishes on her chest, shoulders and inside her elbows. Blech. She could deal with it on her face, everyone gets it there but the other places were gross to her.

So to the dermatologist she went the week before Labor Day weekend and she got an entire set of regimens for her skin (different stuff for different areas) and an oral medicine that looks like it's in the tetracycline (spelling?) family from its name.

Her skin started to clear within the first few days and then she went to Cumberland -- and got a bad sunburn on her face, causing painful burning sensations for her and worry for me.

Of course, band practice goes on and she has gone from bad to worse with pain and now has developed small patches of chapping on her chin. I had her put Neosporin ointment on it last night before bed, thinking, it's medicine! Well, it had started to ooze a bit by this morning -- nothing gross or noticeable to the naked eye but awful for her and she was mortified by the time I dropped her at school.

It didn't help her that I had tried to go swimming at the Y this morning (getting up at 5 a.m.) and had missed getting into the pool by a hare's breadth, and worse, beaten by an 80-something, emaciated old man! I was in a foul temper when I got home from a quick stop at Kroger and she was still in bed, Tim was in the shower, Noah was IN LINE for the shower, I needed a shower and so did Sara! Grrrrrrrr.

So at 3 p.m. we return to the dermatologist's office. I am pretty much convinced that she needs to stop taking the medicine until after band season is over -- competitions are outdoors for the most part and ALL practices are. . . I just hope getting off of it will help. They have offered to give us sunscreen samples, etc. but I'm not sure I even want to try that. Sara already has "wounds" from this.

So today I redeem myself. And pray I can just continue to be available and not continue to need redemption. . .